For $2m You Can Survive the Imminent 2012 Apocalypse Indulgently.October 11, 2012 • By Cask J. Thomson
With life as we know it drawing to a catastrophic end this year, cashed-up and careful folks in America are throwing millions of dollars into surviving the impending doom in style. So far seven anonymous buyers have put down almost $2m each for a slice of the luxury underground doomsday “Survival Condo” in Kansas, US.
(Here’s the website for Survival Condo)
But don’t worry, they won’t miss out on ALL of the fun because cameras will be rolling above the ground so that they can witness the forthcoming disaster without having to get up and reheat their popcorn.
Developer Larry Hall is still in the process of retrofitting the Cold War-era silo into deluxe, self-sufficient apartments built 53m underground. These silos are equipped to withstand an atomic blast. He also has options to convert three more abandoned silos. We emailed him and asked if there are any refunds should the doomsday NOT take place and he insisted that whether or not it happens, the apartments are ours forever. Hmm, hopefully I’m there should the world REALLY decide to be destroyed. He (clearly forgot) to reply to our query about how the silo would react to a gigantic alien-powered asteroid or meteor destined to convert the Earth from planet to rubble.
Security checks happen at the entrance, but security is a few floors down. Come doomsday, there’s — to be expected – gonna’ be a lot of gate crashers trying to get into your expensive manor with their pathetic “oh my god my face is melting off, why won’t anyone help me” cries, so security is a top priority:
The elevators in the complex will only activate if the system recognises the residents’ fingerprint and outside there’s plenty of surveillance cameras to protect you from the zombies or beasts that result from whatever the hell it is that is going to destroy us in December 2012.
The property is covered with tripwires to let guards know who’s about, but intruders will have to get through the electrified barbed wire fences first.
Maybe the humans trying to get into your bunker have evolved or mutated into disgusting creatures who intend to rain on your “I survived!” parade and you wouldn’t want that, ugh! They probably don’t even own yachts. Dirty dirty peasants.
There’s an indoor farm, which is supposed to provide enough fish and veggies to feed up to 70 people indefinitely. There’s also enough food in reserve to last roughly five years. To top it off, there are even libraries, theatres and learning centres.
Medical facilities and doctors are available within the doomsday condos. There’s a five-year supply of basic drugs like antibiotics and condoms. Apparently filling the place up with an all-new population is frowned upon.
To the right is a representation of what the final silo will look like. We presume this is what the Earth will look like BEFORE the apocalypse. Bit too green don’t ya think?
If you have the funds, please do be so kind as to give the WordswithMeaning! staff somewhere to survive the doomsday and buy us one of these apartments. We can repay you by providing news articles about the baron apocalyptic world above you for the rest of your life. Whatta’ investment!